"No Lime" Search Engine

Custom Search

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

What Are His/Her Intentions?

"Just like it’s tricky to divide people into being ‘good’ or bad’, it’s difficult to spend your time trying to measure up someone’s intentions. The truth is that we only have to really go around playing Columbo about someone’s intentions when we seek to make excuses for them, to deny the reality of them, or to find a way to let them back into our lives with more intentions. We also just don’t want to think that we have been involved with someone who in their heart of heart didn’t have the greatest of intentions – we think it reflects on us." --Baggage Reclaim

Don't you wish people had signs on them at all times that said what they wanted in reference to relationships, or maybe Facebook would re-add the "Looking For" item ?  It would probably save me and many others some time in the long run (I'm joking about the FB part).  I don't know how many times I've run into the situation when I've liked a guy who also liked me back, but they weren't "looking for a relationship".  Of course they didn't tell me that piece until after I became slightly to moderately attached and starting to have the slightest expectation.  It's then that they realized "OH MY GOD she actually respects herself.  Crap, I guess I better tell her I'm Mr. Unavailable."   I'm sure this happens to men as well, but I believe that particular wishy washy behavior is much more common in men.  
*(Sorry guys--not my intention to sound like bashing, but I can only speak for my own experiences with your gender.)

Almost every single ex-bf of mine (since high school) has later contacted me again after being broken up. (Most of them try -some successfully and some unsuccessfully- to get me back in their life in some respect).  I am sure I'm not off base in assuming that this happens pretty frequently with others' exes as well (at least at some point after the break-up).  
"You can bet the bank on it – give an ex-boyfriend long enough and he will always come back around. And more than likely it will happen right at the very second that you finally get over him. It’s like a weird male antenna that receives a signal that you’re not hung up on him anymore and his fingers are suddenly drawn to his phone like a moth to a flame. “She’s not crying into her pillow every night anymore! I better call and remind her why she was crying in the first place!” If he didn't make it past your past, he’s certainly not worthy of your future." --The Single Woman

At first, it's difficult for me to determine the motivation for exes trying to bounce back into my life.  Do they want to try dating again?  Do they want to be friends? Is it even possible to be friends?  I'm not one of those people who wants to be friends with an ex.  Cordial, yes, but not BFFs.  I have enough good friends in my life that I don't need to turn him into a good friend.  If you need to be friends with an ex, you either 1) need to find yourself some more friends, or 2) you are struggling with insecurity and need some sort of validation that you're a good person, or are still well-liked and/or possibly holding on to the chance that he might change his mind, etc. I don't mean any ill will towards those of you who do have friends who are exes.  I know that just like in the movie "He's Just Not That Into You", there are always going to be Exceptions; However, most of us are The Rule

What do you think about people's intentions in dating?  I promise the next post will be comical.  This was a tad on the dark side...but Ryan Phillippe is hot though, right? Colorblind [Explicit]

1 comment:

  1. The problem with dating and the interactions between men and women is the large rift that resides between reality and romantic concepts. In fact, the gap is HUGE. The concept of knowing one's intentions is an idealistic one. We're deviantly designed to long for things we can't have. Therefore, we have a tendency to wish for things (like signs on people's foreheads indicating their intentions), when the REALITY of it is that (like Jack Nicholson immortalized) we can't handle the truth.

    Anymore, it seems like the reality of dating is to hide your intentions as long as humanly possible. Life has changed from *really* exploring options to staying loose in case something "better" comes along. I'm not saying it was perfect back then, but if you compare our society to itself from 40 years ago, you'll see that today, we're as non-committal as can be.

    The bottom line is, people are fearful of the truth. We can hide behind technology and the half-assedness of interpersonal relationships to hide from confrontation and rejection. It's lame.

    And now, the ex-boyfriend issue ...
    Having been an ex to someone myself, I can tell you that you're right about one thing: most of us go crawling back in some way to the women that made the biggest impressions on us. There are a number of reasons why we do such things. Some are legit, while others are crap.

    Sometimes, when you spend years with someone and it doesn't work out, a guy might have a tendency to go back to see if SOMETHING can be salvaged (this usually refers to friendship). After all, even though it didn't work out, this may be someone you spent years of your life with. All the memories and genuine joy you shared has to account for something, right?

    Other times, it reverts back to the biological side of things. Guys are biologically hardwired to play the field. Often times, I see guys leave a relationship when something "better" comes along. Or maybe they leave to see if they can do better and when they realize the dating arena sucks, they come crawling back. Overall, I suppose it depends on why you broke up and the consistency of the guy's moral fiber. There's obviously no catch-all explanation.

    Life's too short to hedge your feelings against fear. Even though it doesn't always favor you in the short run, I'm a firm believer in the truth setting us free.



What do you think?