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Saturday, August 10, 2013

7 Types of Drunk People You Know

1. Political Patsy

This person is likely already very hardheaded when it comes to politics.  However, add some booze and they will get in fights with anyone and everyone about the latest presidential candidates, controversial laws/cases, and even stereotypes about political parties.  Stay away from them unless you plan to agree with them on everything they say.  Also, be willing to just sit and listen.  You won't be able to get a word in.  Try to get a drink out of it.

2. Sloppy Suave

Add some liquid courage and this person thinks they are god's gift to the opposite sex (or same sex if LGBT).  Every guy/girl they talk to is SO into them.  Regardless if it is true or not, this person becomes uber confident and thinks they are the cat's meow.  Be careful though--if someone is blatantly honest with them that they are not interested they might become the person below.

3. Emotional Elevator*

 This person is a wild card.  They can easily go from "Why doesn't he/she like me?!" to "Who wants to partayyyy?" to "I hate everyone." to "OMG you are so fun, let's take shots." to "Wahhhhhh (sniff, sniff) who (sniff) do you (sniff) think (sniff) you are?!"  This one is all over the place.  They tend to get too drunk and is probably already a moody person to begin with.  Steer clear at the end of the night.
*Watch the video--it's pretty funny and though it may seem like exaggerated acting, it is pretty spot on.

4. Loosey Goosey

This one is predictable, but make sure you go out with more than just them.  They will always drink too much too quickly and say "I don't feel it yet" after taking 3 shots of fireball back-to-back.  This tends to be a younger person (think 21-23), but can be an older adult if they haven't figured out their limit, recently lost a ton of weight, or use booze to self-medicate.

5. Sober Shammer

This doesn't require much explanation.  This one never wants to admit that they're drunk or even close.  They tend to be someone who is always in control and is afraid to appear out of control.  Sometimes they fool well.  Other times it's just hilarious watching them try to pretend to be sober saying much more loudly than normal "I'M NOT DRUNK!"

6. Elusive Evaporator

"Where did (insert name) go?!  She was just standing next to me 2 seconds ago."  This one pulls what I call "disappearing acts".  They tend to be ninja-like in their exits often not telling anyone they had even considered leaving anytime soon.  Where these people go is a mystery because they will typically also dodge text messages asking where they went.  Are they home sleeping? Are they starting their shift at a gentleman's club? Have they been temporarily kidnapped?  Do they have to go on a secret mission for the CIA?  You never know with this person.

7. Pass-out Putz

This one may likely be friends with any of the above (especially Loosey Goosey).  They don't know how to keep up with the others, but they don't want to miss anything.  They could take a cab home when they start getting tired, but this bar stool is looking super comfortable...  Zzzzz... "What, what?  No I wasn't falling asleep."   One way to try to keep this stubborn person awake and lasting all night is a 5 hour energy or some vodka redbull drinks.  You know they won't just leave on their own so do whatever you can so you aren't carrying dead weight to the cab later.

I hope you enjoyed these.  I know these types of drunk people aren't all-encompassing, but I had to limit it somewhere.  Maybe I'll write about some of the other types in a future posts.  

Comment below about experiences you've had with these types of people. :)