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Sunday, December 29, 2013

Dating Detox: Necessary Measures for a "Serial Dater"

I am sick of dating.  I probably shouldn't share this with the world, but what the heck.  I need a break from dating.  I got out of a relationship in March 2013 and the past 8 or so months have included countless great dates, some god-awful dates, and a couple almost relationships (you know what I mean...hopefully).  I know it sounds weird, but I meet at least one person every time I go out or through friends.

I've dealt with egotistical, emotionally unavailable guys...clingy, almost too-perfect guys...great, balanced guys who just didn't understand me...etc.  I'm sure those guys also have some good and some, ahem, constructive things to say about me as well.  All that it inevitably boiled down to was that we were not a good match. 

I tried to remain hopeful and not affected by previous people, but it got to the point recently when I was just like "I can't do this anymore".  I need a time-out.  I want to clear my head, focus on myself, and figure out what exactly I even want.  

This is the first post of at least 2 posts on this subject.  I'm definitely going to write on this again once I'm done with my detox.  I might write another one if I feel so inclined and inspired throughout the process.  I'm going to start with 30 days off.  A couple of my best friends (and maybe even my mom) think I should give myself even more time off.  I'll do my own trial period and let you know if I decide to extend it.

If you're interested in doing a detox of your own click the above link for some tips. 

Here's my detox plan over the next 30 days:

1. No dates. If someone asks me out they will have to wait.
2. Learn how to do at least one new thing. I want to learn how to do basic sewing.
3. Spend time 3 days a week to meditate/free write for at least 15 minutes.
4. Have carefree fun.


Thursday, December 26, 2013

How To End Things When You're Casually Dating

Sex And The City Clip:  Berger breaks up with Carrie on a Post-it.

It's not easy to break things off when you've only been out on a few dates.  It's especially difficult if the person has been really genuine and has been wonderful to you every time.    

Sometimes, it's just not there.  Maybe it's an attraction thing or maybe your personalities don't mesh well. Or maybe you've been on other dates and just want to see where those go instead.  It really sucks when someone doesn't feel the same way about you. Believe me I've been on that side many times. That's why I think it's so difficult to end things.  I know how bad it can hurt and how confused you can feel.  
Did I do something wrong?  
Why doesn't he/she like me?  
Am I not good enough?

If you are a good person and a respectful person you'll be cognizant of the fact a person may feel this way after breaking it off.  

Here are some things to keep in mind when breaking it off:

-Be Direct. Tell them that you don't see it going further for _______ reason.  Sometimes I don't have a specific reason or the reason is sensitive so I will say something along the lines of "I don't have strong romantic feelings for you."

-Be Kind. This is not the time to tell them everything you dislike about them.  The only time I'll give constructive feedback is if the person asks if they could have done something differently.  Every person is different though--sometimes it's just not a good fit.  I don't want someone to change because of me.

-Be Final. Once you have broken things off make it clear that this is it.  It's not fair to assume the other person will be okay with just being friends.  Maybe they will, but you can't assume that.  Do not contact them because you're lonely, bored, need a confidence booster.  You broke it off.  Let them move on.

I've written about getting my heart broken so it was about time that I wrote about the other side.  
It's not an enjoyable experience.  
It doesn't make me feel like a better person. 

However, if I follow the above guidelines I can at least feel like I'm being respectful of the person's time and feelings.  The times guys have just casually drifted away have caused me to lose respect for them.  You never know the effect your ounce of respect will have in the future.  Maybe you'll start dating a mutual friend of the two of you or you'll end up at the same company.  You don't want to burn bridges or cause disdain because you're afraid to have an uncomfortable conversation.

On a brighter note, I hope everyone enjoyed the holidays! :)